Things on my Grocery List

 

Don't you Wanna go Apeshit?

    Howdy, Farmhands!

    Have you ever heard of "Free Will?"

Kludgebuckets - Customizable Vehicles for the Sanic Hack

You wish your ride was this cool - (Source)

kludge: something, especially computer hardware or software, that has been put together from whatever is available, especially when it does not work very well 

rustbucket: An old, neglected vehicle, usually a car, a freighter, or a truck. 

Ergo; They're called Kludgebuckets.

    "Kludgebucket" is the colloquial term for any non-standard watercraft cobbled together by an enterprising Islander. While capable of functioning as transportation, they act as more of a home-base for their crew, and are iterated upon over multiple voyages. It isn't surprising to see a Kludgebucket with multiple pieces of completely unrelated vehicles; land, air, or sea, stapled in varying configurations, with radio transmitters, gatling guns, and even multiple vending machines installed.

    Kludgebuckets are managed via a Grid System, similar to Mausritter Item Card Inventory Management. (For the purposes of this blog post, we are going to assume a specific size for these grids, but know that I'm writing this with no balance testing whatsoever. Let's say they're 4 by 4 to start and we'll revisit the specifics later.) To facilitate this, I will be introducing a new card type- Normally, cards come in 1 Slot or 2 Slot sizes, with the latter being for Bulky objects. For Kludgebucket Core Parts, new 2 by 2 cards are to be added, taking up the same space as 4 single slot cards. These cards are intended for overly large items; Chassis, Wings, A tree house uprooted WITH the tree, etc. While a character COULD carry one of these in their regular inventory,  they're intended to be Kludged onto their bucket. However, if a player wants to spend 4 whole inventory slots to equip the cab of a bus as a battering ram, I'm not going to stop them.

     Core Parts are labeled with Stars, ranging from 1 to 3. These Stars are an approximation of size and buoyancy, but are mostly there to estimate the number of crew it can safely keep afloat. 1 Star can hold 2 to 3 people before capsizing, doubling to 6-ish at 2 Stars and 12-or-so at 3 Stars. A Ski-doo, for example, would be a 1 Star Core Part, while a School Bus would be 3 Stars. Anything larger would arguably no longer be a Kludgebucket, but rather a regular sailing ship with some weird stuff tacked on. For every Star added by a Core Part, there must be Propulsion and Power of an equivalent Star. That Ski-doo's Whirly-gig Copter Blades (Propulsion, 1 Star) could be powered by a single set of Foot Paddles (Power,1 Star) for example, but you'd need at 3 times as many of both to move that 3 Star School Bus. Conversely, multiple parts of lower Star value could be used to power a single Propulsion part, as long as their values align. 

    Auxiliary parts, like radio transceivers, sonar or fuzzy dice, are regular sized item cards with the 1 x 2 Bulky cards used for valuable machinery. These are installed around the core parts, where the Kludgebucket's grid will allow. Any free space can hold any item, instead of having a dedicated hold.

    Core and Auxillary Parts are meant to be found as rewards for Quests or by scavenging wrecked Buckets found as you travel. Similar to Fits, a DM should only need to invent a handful of Thematic options based on the Island they've prepared, the players will pursue what interests them.

Star Rank	Core	Propulsion	Power
☆	Canoe	Paddle Wheel (Small)	Foot Paddles
☆	Jet Ski	Whirly-gig	Oars
☆	Motorcycle	Cloth Sail and a Fan	Large Hamster Wheel
☆☆	Smart Car	Airplane Wings	Steam Engine
☆☆	Tugboat	Single Turbin	Magnets
☆☆	Tree House (w/Tree)	Sea Creature (Tamed?)	Carrot on a String (For Sea Creature)
☆☆☆	Submarine	Rocket Jets	Gasoline Engine
☆☆☆	School Bus	Paddle Wheels (Large)	Coal Furnace
☆☆☆	Blimp Cab	Hot Air Baloon	Cola and Mentos

How Tricked out is this Ride?

Oh, boys~!

This post and others like it are made possible by members of my Patreon, where you can see Game WIPs and Previews of future blogposts a week early! Thank you in particular to Nebula Bash for your continued support!

Howdy, Farmhands!

    Among the many ways I "failed" at traditional masculinity as a child, (as much as any one can do so, mind. Gender roles are bullshit!) I never became A Car Guy. While many a youth saw the wheels and hubcaps and fenders and was overcome with a desire to get behind the wheel, I couldn't really care less. I consider motor vehicles to be not unlike horses. Mysterious creatures I am to respect from afar, but never understand. The primary difference is that a car isn't born with hatred in it's heart.

What That Dog Doin'?

 

Pictured: The Goodest Girl

Howdy, Farmhands.

    I've got a new dog. A foster dog, to be precise. My Beautiful Wife (and I by extension) volunteers with a local rescue, specializing in Dachshunds. We've helped a couple of puppers find new homes, and acted as a weekend get-away for new arrivals who weren't sure where they were going just yet. This current baby looks like she'll be staying with us for a hot minute, though, as not only were we the first point of contact for the previous owner, we were the Fosters of choice while she went through some surgeries to remove calcium deposits that had formed in her bladder before she joined us on the farm. 

    Her name is Wendy, and she is a precious angel. People of earth, send your love to Wendy.

    Having a Dog makes you think things you might not otherwise. For example, frequently now, I will find myself asking "What That Dog Doin'?" This requires I visually confirm the current activity of the dog and as a bonus, look at said dog. And I've already established that Wendy is a Very Good Dog, so that's hardly an inconvenience. Not all Dogs have to be dogs, though. It would probably be funnier to attribute Dog-status to things that are not Dogs. Like Bears. Deer, maybe. Particularly scraggly Opossums.  Legally Distinct Ankhegs, whatever those are. Below is a d20 table of vague Dog-like behaviors that a "Dog" may be "Doin'" at any given point in time.

    Now if you excuse me, Wendy has flopped over for a belly rub, and I cannot keep her waiting for fear that my mortal soul will be judged accordingly.

Until Next Time,

    Farmer Gadda

A Radical Stash of 1d20 Mondo Cool Items for OSR - Party like it's 199X

You will never be Him. - Reddit

This post and others like it are made possible by members of my Patreon, where you can see Game WIPs and Previews of future blogposts a week early! Thank you in particular to Aleph for your continued support!

Twist Table - FARMER THEMED!

 

corn.
- by Okh7art via Pixabay

This post and others like it are made possible by members of my Patreon, where you can see Game WIPs and Previews of future blogposts a week early! Thank you in particular to Blastflight for your continued support!

 Howdy, Farmhands!

    Tik-tok is dead, and I do not mourn it's passing. The shambling corpse that's come back online since is naught but a new limb of fascism as it spreads and strangles all in it's path. I wouldn't trust it with a houseplant. However, that isn't to say I still don't regret what it brought me, specifically, many funny edited moments of Actual Play Twitch Streams I'd never watch otherwise. My personal favorite would be Legends of Avantris, which makes use of it's streaming medium fairly well by incorporating Bit Donations as a trigger for a table of HILARIOUS scenarios and prompts for the players at the table to then seamlessly incorporate into the adventure at hand.

    It's mostly an excuse to make clippable moments for the Tiktok/Youtube Shorts crowd and I can't say it's not an effective marketing tool.

    Below are d100 prompts for hilariously FARM themed shenanigans, be they sudden foodstuffs, weapons, or NPCs to drop into your playspace. Tell your players not to think about it too hard.

    Until Next Time,

        Farmer Gadda

d50 Fantasy Crop Table

 

Also known as "thank god these bitches are horny for fresh produce"
Don't actually watch this, please.

This post and others like it are made possible by members of my Patreon, where you can see Game WIPs and Previews of future blogposts a week early! Thank you in particular to WonderWalleye for your continued support!

Howdy, Farmhands!

    I'm a big fan of the Isekai genre, warts and all. For both the Protagonist, and the Audience, it's a chance to bumble upon facets of a world that's wild and new, while said facet is already comfortably set in it's place in the world. A good Isekai considers the ramifications of it's fantastic differences between itself and what we consider "normal", and an even BETTER Isekai takes those ramifications and makes them interesting problems for the hero to solve. There's not a lot of Good Isekai, to be clear.

    This comparison, the fantastical and the mundane, is something that can be deployed on your ttrpg players too! If you give them an Apple, they'll toss it in their pack as a ration. Give them an Apple that Tastes like a Hamburger, suddenly it's a memorable quirk of the campaign. It's a puzzle without actually being a puzzle - What could be done with this thing that's so familiar and yet so different? Enterprising parties will get creative, which might derail the game for a Fruit-based WcDonalds chain OR just convince them to finally engage with the cooking rules you've been pushing.

    Additional Reading -

• GrinningRat's "Dungeon Food"
• Prismatic Wasteland's "Cooking Minigame" 
• Throne of Salt's "Unified Food Theory"  
  

    Until Next Time,

        Farmer Gadda

Fish of the Nether - for the Nether Depthcrawl

Fish want me, I fear Women, something along those lines

     The following is an adaptation of an existing Minecraft Mod, "Nether Depths Upgrade". For the sake of this project, some details have been omitted or changed, and this write-up does not reflect the functionality or design goals of the original mod. Permission to use these concepts has been acquired from the Author, though no assets or code may be reused. Please support the artists and coders by giving the original mod a try the next time you play Minecraft.

Also, this Post was partly written as a thank you for a generous monetary donation that arrived during a moment of need! The Farmhand requested that in lieu of a bespoke post, that I put the energy into completing a fun draft! 

Thank you so much for your support, Suzy!

Howdy, Farmhands!

    You wanna go... fishing in the Nether? I mean, you could, with a Rod and Line capable of handling the heat. And despite the Nether oceans being filled with Lava, a number of fish-like creatures seem to thrive there. So sure, cast that line, see what you reel in!

 

    As I'm sure your system of choice already has a fishing minigame to use, I'm not going to offer any mechanics or procedures here. Just a simple d10 table, and data on what's swimming about down there. If I were to give you Advice, however, I'd suggest using a d6 instead of a flat d10, and have the quality of the Rod and Bait add bonuses to aim for the more valuable and larger fish on the tail end of that table. Whatever you choose, I hope you have a fun and relaxing time, taking a fishing trip in Hell.

Until Next Time,

    Farmer Gadda