Thursday, November 5, 2026

Play Report - Gumdrop Dreamers #0: Prep & Session Zero

 


Howdy, Farmhands!

    During the last couple months of 2025, Prismatic Wasteland's Discord Server, the Prismatic Waystation, hosted an event wherein the authors and bloggers present participated in creating single hexes of a fantastical North Pole themed around the classic claymation Christmas specials from Rankin and Bass. The final product had 60 total hexes containing monsters, dungeons, NPCs, and references to judeo-christian mythology. 

    I participated with my own hex, which was then pieced together by the project operators to create a cohesive map. Seeing the final product and knowing there was not enough time left in the Christmas season for 2025 for me to properly run it, I promised myself that I would run it for my friends the following year. As of this writing, It is officially the Christmas season - (Fuck, you. November counts. I'm tired of saying it doesn't.) - and I have assembled five of my bravest Warriors to play through it, using Cairn. We will be playing every Tuesday for three to four hours from the first week of November until the Tuesday before Christmas Eve. The pitch I gave them was as follows - they would be playing normal folk from the modern day who had found themselves mysteriously isekai'd into the North Pole, and above anything else, their goal was to find a way back home.

    This blog post will cover the events of the Session Zero, held November 3rd,  as well as  write-up the conversion process that I performed in taking these disparate hexes and turning them into notes that I could use to actually run the thing. I won't be offended if you jump to the relevant section and ignore the other. I'm not your mom. 

Section 1: Prep 

As my players do not regularly read blogs, Nor do they have significant experience in a hex crawl. This will be an interesting experience for everyone involved. 

    I have run hex crawls before. They've been of the "Move into a blank hex and Generate what's there" variety, so playing with a pre-written hex map is a novelty to me. On the other side of the table, two of my five players were in those previous hex-crawls, a third has played in a hexcrawl, but not for some years, and the remaining two have played a Dungeon and Dragon once or twice, but never something like this. None of them regularly read blogs except for when I link mine with a silly enough picture as the thumbnail (which is my excuse for the thumbnails, thank you very much.) Because of this difference in experience, and the general disorganization in the project's writing process, I have needed to do some, shall we say, editorial work before we start play.

    The problem with getting 30 to 40 bloggers to work on a project with the direction being "Make it like the Rankin bass Christmas specials" is the distinct lack of cohesion in both tone and organization. Some hexes contain sub-hexes, making them their own hex crawls within a single point on the original map. Others wrote Adventure sites without the additional details needed f
or me to run each hex identically, such as encounter or weather tables. A few were textually meant to be read as jokes, more "blog shaped objects" than actual gameable content. Some hexes I have had to rewrite entirely as they are too dark or contain content that my players have requested we not touch upon. As much as I wish I could say I ran this as written, the project was a bunch of friends slapping together a bunch of ideas and then combining them all into a single map without a second pass.

    Wayspell wrote his hex for His Majesty the Worm, for pete's sake.  Who does that? 

   My job in preparing the map for this game is to allow the hexes to exist more or less as they were intended while expanding them to increase cohesion and replacing content that would make my players uncomfortable and ruin their fun.  Should be simple, right? Right?

    Step 1:  Read every hex. Read them again. A third time. There's 47 hexes with content in them, and while I can't memorize all of them, I need to be able to have a vague understanding of the big tentpole experiences within them.  When one hex makes a big declaration about the setting, I should note it down and think of how that truth will change the content in another hex.  

    One hex introduces a roaming encounter, which requires a roll each day to determine the location of. I COULD have waited until they players reached that hex to start caring, OR I could make it a daily procedure. Another hex introduces a magical train with stops in specific hexes. Those hexes were written without knowing this train would have a station in them. I marked those stops on a map for me to add that point of interest to the notes of that hex. Red-heads in one hex are explicitly werefoxes. Now every Red-head has a secret. Coal is declared to be a social taboo as it relates to sin and "naughtiness." Suddenly, any reference to coal takes on deeper meaning. These inferences alter a lot of other content, deepening their meaning without me having to re-write a thing.

    Step 2: Fill in Gaps.  This is primarily an organizational issue, as some hexes are missing encounter tables, structured lists of NPCs, or other things I would need to run the game smoothly. This isn't a fault of the author; these hexes were written mostly in isolation and stitched together after the fact. (Some actually have TOO MUCH information that i've had to trim down.) The format I've landed on is as follows-

  1. Entering this Hex: Immediate location descriptions, sights, sounds, smells. Line of sight data for what's noticable in surrounding hexes.
  2. Point of Interest summary. The title of upcoming sub-paragraphs, with a one line description to quickly refresh myself before we start play in the hex proper.
  3. Tables or Mechanics unique to the Hex: I have a basic weather table to use in every hex that doesn't include a bespoke one- this is where I'll place that so I can immediately adjust my procedure to make use of it. One hex has a unique travel mechanic that needs to be known before I even start resolving moving into said hex. Displaying this prominently is important.
  4. The POI sub-headings. Usually organized in order of how immediate players were engage with them, Hidden points are lower on the list. If the Points are isolated or meant to be run as seperate from the larger hex, I will put specific NPC's statblocks within the sub-headings instead of a seperate NPC section.
  5. That Seperate NPC Section. I've organized them to include physical data and names first, a paragraph of their story and aims, followed by three bullet points summarizing their Wants, Fears, and Mannerisms in as few words as possible for proper quick skimming.
  6. And finally, Encounter Tables. It might feel like this should go somewhere closer to the start of the pages, but while I will require this table often, it isn't an IMMEDIATE need to resolve things. When an encounter is triggered, I can flip to it, roll, and resolve it in the moment. The data at the start of the section is more important to consistently have in mind while the party is in the hex, I can erase the encounter table from my memory until I need it again. Cognitive load is an important consideration.

    Taking the words as written and fitting them into this format without losing anything is a lot of copy-pasting. I feel bad for piecemealing the authors work in this manner, but if I tried to run each hex exactly as written, it would take forever to get my bearings and my players would suffer as a result. 

    This is also where I take the inferences from step 1 and complete them. For example, there's 5 seperate winter wizards based on the same character from the Rankin Bass Films, half of which are sealed away in some manner. Great news- they are now members of a previous ruling class defeated by Santa and his friends, and preventing the return of them is a key concern for basically every faction. The multiple references to a Lord or King in red isn't just santa anymore, but the members of Santa's party from that grand adventure to save the North Pole from the Wizards in Blue. And because each instance of a Lord in Red was a different flavor of despot, seperating them into 3 or 4 underlings, scheming beneath Santa's nose allows me to clarify Santa's character without juggling six different kinds of atrocity he's supposed to be doing. 

    Basically in the act of melding all of these confident declarations of truth, I have to iron out something in one hex, while sprinkling it's content across other hexes so it's more cohesive. The end result will only MOSTLY play as written, and some authors are recieving more disrespect than others. (Sorry folks, it's nothing personal)

    Step 3: Make it Pretty. I'm printing these pages out to hold in a physical binder, despite the game being held digitally. This is something I like to do with all of my big campaigns; having the actual paper to manipulate makes it easier for me to quickly find data when I need it, make notes, or slide in extra pages as the game goes on. It also doubles as a record of games I've run, and lets me reuse prep between different tables. For this game, I want each hex to sit as a two page spread (or two spreads of 4 pages if the hex is particularly large and involved). Editing the text to fit in that space while still being readable means I have to get funky with the formatting. Sometimes I have to cut an entire paragraph down to a single sentence so the data is accessible without ballooning the page count.

    For comparison, here is the original hex for 0703 Sleeping Slope, and below is a screenshot of a draft of my notes for it. The core is still there, but a lot has been shifted or removed to fit within my constraints. The final print moved the table to the end and added some detail back in, since I had the space for a few more sentences.


     Optional Step: Make it into a Dungeon. Somehow, most of these hexes don't include any actual Dungeons. Adventure sites abound, to be sure, but there's only a handful of square by square, room by room, actual-factual CRAWLING to be had. In and around the above 3 steps, I have found myself stopping, reading a section, and thinking to myself, "Oh this needs a map." Watabou's generator has been a godsend for this, though I'll probably end up hand drawing some stuff during play when I find something that my players want to treat as tactical space puzzle. Unlike the hexes, I'm placing the dungeon maps at the back of the book, in the same general order as the hexes they appear in. Dungeon crawling usually is a solitary affair, and I shouldn't need to refer back to their original hex until they LEAVE said location.

    And that's It. "What, no Monsters or Treasures?" I hear you ask, but I'm a Just Use Bears kind of dm. Critical damage effects I'll figure out if and when I roll a certain monster, and Relics... well... 

    I've kind of been wanting to run a Christmas game for A While. Years, to be honest. I've also occasionaly been bit with the Data Entry Autism Fixation. Collecting lists from Reddit and various 5e homebrewed Magic items, I've produced (Players in my game, don't click on this) an automated method to generate loot, treasure, redwall-worthy meal descriptions of holiday feasts and so on. I'll be making use of this for anything I don't otherwise have prepared. Maybe I'll need to make an analog printable for future sessions after perchance succumbs to it's ai fueled craze, but for now, this works for me. 

Section 2: Session Zero

    

     For private games, I like to record the sessions. It gives me a copy of the event to refer to in between sessions for things I inevitably forget, while also doubling as my own personal podcast for later. I do like to hear myself talk, after all. These are not designed to be content, so the recordings are private and not distributed to anyone who wasn't a player in said game. But I'm also an extra little fuck, so I had to make the setup pretty, with an animated background and the discord chat displayed and animated discord avatars to show who's talking, etc etc.
   
    This session was to get everyone up to speed, open the floor for questions, and introduce each other to the characters they'd be playing for the next 7 sessions. We opened with an overview of the game, a brief discussion on the player and game master principles, and some of the assumptions of the Cairn system. A concept that people introduced to Odd-likes seem to stumble over frequently is how stats do not directly correlate to physical ability. I had to pipe in and clarify that one could have a super buff character with a low STR score, they simply would suffer bad luck in performing feats of strength in moments of danger. In my experience, a few instances of letting them make a good plan and not requesting a roll will solve the issue. They'll learn.
 
    Character introduction was the fun part, as I knew it would be. Everyone had made their character in the space between the original pitch and now, though two individuals had to re-roll their stats; they'd misread the SRD and only rolled 3d6... 1d6 per stat. I did assure them that they could play with a character with incredibly low stats, but that they should probably reroll, which they did. Instead of buying starting equipment, we made use of Fantasy Loadouts, with the understanding that the name of the "Class" was to be the theme of their special isekai costume instead of prescriptive of their character's physical being.  
  
    Our players are:
 
    Boomer (he/him), playing Weinan Abernathy the Minstrel Jester (she/her, 30) STR 16 DEX 12 WIL 11 HP 6. Her starting kit contains a Sling (d4), Poignard (d6), Hurdy-Gurdy, Set of Juggling Balls, Colorful Cape, and Soap. An entertainer, Weinan has the professional experience needed to fit the Jester role. Gregarious but blunt, she's fully capable of being giving and loving, but can read you to filth with a smile. Her skill with face makeup is on point, the example given being "Perfect eyeliner wings every time." Boomer even went out of his way to commission artwork of the character- despite me reminding him that there's a chance they won't survive the campaign. I've been assured that such an end is acceptable, should it happen. 

    Neb (they/them), playing Gringle Glass "Grin" the Grimalkin (he/him, 22) STR 13 DEX 16 WIL 13 HP 3. His starting kit will contain a Curved Knife (d6), Hex Stone, Pouch of Catnip, Spangle, Blackberry Pie, and Baubles. Grin is an instagrammer, urban explorer, thrifter, and ebay flipper, taking advantage of a gap year in their education to do all of the above stuff while donating most of their income to cats. When asked if Grin was intended to be transmogrified into a cat person or was just a human wearing a cat themed fit, Neb laughed and said they were human, but in a red and white striped Kigurumi, which is perfectly fine but for the record, I would have let them be a furry if they wanted. I would be hypocritical not to. He's also very short, apparently.
 
    Sheela (she/her), playing Katerina Petrova Katsalapov "Kat-Kat"/"Kit-Kat"/"Kitty Kat"/"Koshka" the Friar Sugar Plum Fairy (she/her 25) STR 4 DEX 12 WIL 15 HP 1. Her starting kit contains a Scepter (d6), Deceptive Robes (1 AMR), Censer & Holy Water, Jug of Honey Wine, Folk Songbook, and a Cart (+4 slots, bulky). On request, the robes are being reflavored to be a stage costume reminiscent of the "Sugar Plum Fairy", complete with Tutu. The jug of honey wine will actually contain Kvass. A Russian popstar who's 'aging out' of her career, she's been tasked by her manager to work on a Christmas Album, something she does not want to do. She's a bit of a prima donna, used to roadies handling the grunt work, and utterly pissed to be in sequins and a tutu. Sheela is planning on doing a heavy accent for this character, which elevates the performance significantly.
 
    Sono (they/them), playing Griya Weaver the Dwarf (she/her, 39) STR 15 DEX 16 WIL 12 HP 3. Her starting kit contains a Mace (d8), Platemail (3 AMR, Bulky), Harp, Hammer & Tongs, Large Sack, and Bellows. The primary inspiration Sono mentioned was Molly Grue from Peter S. Beagle's "The Last Unicorn." A failed fantasy novelist, Griya is now a manager at the Barnes and Noble she's worked at for the last 20 years. Jaded and bitter by decades of retail, she wants to reconnect with the Christmas spirit, but feels it's too late to put in the work to do so. Her catchphrase is "Reindeer can't fucking fly", which is why her dour and stocky outfit includes a pair of short antlers on her head. Love me some Irony. 
 
    Tegan (she/her), playing Elgile "Elle" Tolman the Beastmaster (she/her, 11) STR 10 DEX 17 WIL 12 HP 4. Her starting kit contains a Spear (D8), Big Knight (d6), Furs (1 AMR), Whistle, Animal Charm, and a Wolf, which Tegan has requested we reflavor into a Christmas Puppy (2 HP, 12 WIL, Bite (d6)). Elle is a sad little orphan who, on a trip to the mall with her group home caretakers, asked the mall santa for a family for christmas. As far as she's concerned, the party IS that family, delivered as promised. She's unsure who's dog this is, but she'll ask whoever she meets until she finds it's human. The dog ALSO asked Santa for a family this christmas, and is pretty sure this small human is his. Tegan has been tasked with coming up with a name for this puppy between this session and the next. The costume inspiration Tegan came up with when rolling Elle was "The Little Match Girl," a choice that was met with the entire groupchat wincing. She is intended to be a pitiful little meow-meow, wearing mismatched and fraying rags underneath the fur pelts. She doesn't care, as she's with her new family in the north pole and firmly still believes in the magic of christmas.
 
    After introducing our blorbos, we had to go back to less fun bookkeeping; discussing trigger warnings! There's so many to go through, gang. I posted a short list in the group chat while I was on my third read of the hexcrawl, but tonight was when we seriously went through the potential content to accept or reject certain hexes. The challenge for me was to 1. be thorough without spoiling the content of the actual hexes, and 2. come up with replacement content for things the players veto.
 
    The list included:
  •  Fascist Local Governments (Only if it's not a parody of the current American government and if the party can kill them)
  •  Non-consensual Body Horror and Gore (Implication preferred, No Eye Stuff, No Dental Stuff, No description of viscera or exposed musclature, effects on the PCs should be reversible if they are not killed outright)
  • Cloning a Slave Race, and the depersonhood thereof (Only if it's not a reference to a real world culture and, again, if the party can kill the slaver)
  • Giant Spiders (No, please no.) Ok, but giant insects in general? (Only if they're googly-eyed cartoon characters) I can do that, no problem.
  •  Cult Stuff/Real World Religions treated as Fictional/Canonically White Jesus and he's Real in this setting (Jesus is fine if he's not blonde haired and blue eyed, The Christian God is fine as part of a larger pantheon even though that's blasphemous, the Evangelical folks who want to convert you are ok as long as the party can kill them if they step out of line) Aight.
  • Hivemind Goo that Melts you ("That would fix me" - Sono 2026)
  • Government Conspiracies/Experimenting on People (As long as it's not on Children specifically) 
  •  Trench Warfare (Gadda, I thought this hexcrawl was about Christmas) Answer the damn question (Fine I guess?) Ok thank you.
    The only request for unlisted content to be removed was "Drowning/Trapped under Ice", which isn't explicitly present in any hex, but was fantastic to learn about before we started playing. I never would have assumed that was an issue before two of my players brought it up. We spoke for a time about how communication is key to making sure everyone is comfortable, and established very thoroughly that I would rather be interrupted 20 times in a row than allowed to continue describing someone's squick for a second longer. The challenge of an OSR game should be in overcoming the obstacle place in front of the players, not muscling through content that makes them personally uncomfortable. If the challenge is a monster that bothers someone in an unfun way, I can just as easily replace that monster with something that doesn't have those elements without removing the challenge entirely. With this in mind, we agreed to use a "Stoplight" system for handling content- Red means we stop, Yellow means we pause and discuss, and Green, of course, means continue. It was established that the moment anyone posts one of these colors, someone is to verbally call it out so it isn't missed by my ADHD ass. 
 
    What some people don't know is that trigger warnings is for the GM too! I listed off some things that -I- would rather not happen during a session, and the players were accepting of them. One of the things I mentioned specifically was more of a play culture thing than an actual trigger - I've experienced players from more "trad" backgrounds will attempt to scheme and plan while keeping the DM in the dark, then describe their actions in an order and manner that makes it hard for the DM to understand the scale of it until the punchline. In an antagonistic game where the DM is opposed to the players, this can lead to very fun moments as the horror of what the PC has set up dawns on the Dungeon Master. This is not one of those games. I promised that, if planning for shenanigans were to happen out loud and above table, that I would never force the musings or mutterings of the players to "become canon" before they were sure of what exactly they wanted to do. Everyone was receptive to this. Thank God. 
 
    We ended the session by looping back around to Systems/Mechanics discussion. The unfamiliar players assured me that the base resolution made sense to them, and that more specific rules around combat would be grokked better once they experienced it. The players who had played in previous Odd-likes with me were warned that base Cairn may not have all the extra edge-rules I added to season those games to taste. Everyone was warned that because I've read so many of these fucking hacks, there WILL be a rule I misremember as being in Cairn 1e when it isn't, and that they have permission to argue with me if they make a tactical decision assuming a rule reads one way while I claim it's different. In those instances, we will refer and default to what's written in the Cairn SRD, unless the new rule was previously agreed upon in a session. 
 
    Tegan asked "How many slots does a Person take up?" and there was a beat of silence as I registered what the fuck she was asking. She was wondering if you could rest a character in a cart during travel, as her character is an 11 year old child and Koshka has a +4 slot cart. Not in a "trying to rules lawyer the result they want" way, more in a "wondering how the rules interact" way, which was very funny. The answer is no, btw; resting is intended to be seperate from Travel. 
 
     The end result: Everyone feels content with the planned content, excited to play, and fans of each other's blorbos. Probably the best possible scenario to start playing from.

Section 3: What's Next 

     Jeez what a post, huh. Lots of words up there. Going forward these should be CONSIDERABLY shorter and contain actual stories to tell, not just me yapping about the lists I've written. Next session is November 10th, and will introduce our PCs to the fantastical world that is the North Pole, as well as each other. I've completed converting the hexes surrounding their starting point and heading out towards Santa's castle, which I assume they'll want to head straight towards once they know where it is, in character. I've also pulled out my collection of Rankin Bass dvds to do a rewatch- "The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus" can barely be considered a movie so much as a collection of scenes, though "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" holds up better than I remembered. I've already demolished two boxes of Little Debbie's Christmas Tree Cake Snacks, and have been scouring grocery store aisles for any sign of Cranberry Ginger ale. I'll just have to keep listening to christmas carols through my bluetooth headphones in the employee breakroom and hope nobody finds out and, justly, tries to kill me with rocks.
 
    Until Next Time,
        Farmer Gadda 

Tuesday, October 27, 2026

Player Advice Bandwagon - Gadda's Entry

 

You after reading this, probably.

Howdy, Farmhands!

    The blog bandwagon is about advice for players. But a beautiful woman told me I should be posting shorter blogs so. Uh.

    1. Ask what the buy-in for the game is and where the fun is (are we theatre kids-ing this or is this a resource management game?) then choose to take actions within those bounds.

    2. Spotlight share with other players when you realize you’ve been talking a lot. Throw their character questions about what your character should do. Helps the quiet ones speak up without the dm calling them out and gives you a chance for neat interactions between your PCs.

    3. Interrogate why you find things fun. Like, really sit down and try to hammer out a simple explanation for why something you like makes you happy. Makes it easier to problem solve if something happens in-game that you -don’t- like. Problems in games are rarely the fault of what you assume they are.

    4. Ask what a mechanic is intended to do every once in a while. Your dm is most likely a systems sicko, or heaven forbid, fancies themselves a game designer. If you ask them to explain what a bell curve is, you’ll make their week. It’ll also give you more knowledge about the game and why it does what it does, which will help you with advice #1. 

    5. If I write a fifth one of these I think I’ll no longer be able to call it a short blog so that’s it, everyone go home.


    Until Next Time,

        Farmer Gadda


Friday, October 2, 2026

The Donkey Kong Island Hexcrawl - Music and Magic

 


    Howdy, Farmhands!

    I need to level with you for a moment. This post is going to be me telling you about Donkey Kong lore for multiple paragraphs, with a small chart at the end that isn't terribly gameable. You are going to read it anyway because you love me and want me to feel appreciated. You wouldn't make a 35 year old man cry, would you? No? Thought not. We will get through this together. 

    During the Gamecube era, Nintendo released a peripheral known as the DK Bongos. They were a controller made of two Bongos. You hit the bongos to input commands. It was very weird. 4 games went to market with explicit compatibility with these Bongos, 3 rhythm games by Tatsunoko known as "Donkey Konga" and an adventure title by Nintendo EAD called "Donkey Kong Jungle Beat." A 5th game intended to make use of the Bongos for the Gamecube was moved to the Wii and converted into a motion control game- Paon's racing game, "Donkey Kong Barrel Blast." 

    The Donkey Konga trilogy was, to my knowledge, the reason the add-on was even developed to begin with. You hit the bongos in time with the song, gathered points, which were called "Beats" and aimed for the best possible score. Donkey Kong Jungle Beat, again, was an adventure title, with a more traditional level system for DK to travel through from point A to point B. As all actions were controlled via the DK Bongos, you were required to not only move Donkey Kong through platforming challenges with fucking Bongos, you were expected to chain actions together in order to acquire points, or "Beats," and aim for the best possible score. Donkey Kong Barrel Blast was a pretty bad racing game and is only mentioned here because the monkeys flew through the sky with jetpacks made of bongos, but held in front of them so they could hit the bongos to make the flying happen. It was a weird fucking game. I don't know if the original planned Gamecube release would have used "Beats" as a point system to fulfill the rule of three for this paragraph, but I'd like to think it would have.

    This era of DK eventually passed. Paon made some handheld games, DK himself continued to show up in Mario Party, Smash Bros, and Mario Kart, but overall things went quiet until Retro Studios got to make the DKC Returns Duology. Then Nintendo EAD (Now Nintendo EPD) shifted their Mario Odyssey sequel to be a new Donkey Kong game! What a fun and wacky history this ape has had. They even got King K. Rool to return after being absent for a decade, that's great! They really know what fans of this series want.

    Hey, what's he saying in this cutscene-

Oh FUUUUUUUUCK they've made it MEAN something.

    This is a single line and frankly, I don't think I've seen a ton of Donkey Kong fans on the internet do anything with this other than register it as a neat call back. Bananza is a game that makes heavy use of music- textually all of DK's brand new transformations in the game are triggered by Pauline singing the relevant song. Performing music triggers changes in the environment, directs players towards objectives, and, again, makes your big monkey become and even BIGGER monkey once you learn the right tune. Referencing the fact that music has a beat, and then hitting your big belly to trigger your own transformation is just riffing off of that for one final boss, right? Well...I mean, if we backtrack to just the last developers to make something for the franchise, we get these fucks.

Tikis your Tak Tribe

    
And yeah, no, these are just instruments with eyes. Like straight up, the Tiki Tak tribe are all musical instruments and their entire thing is playing music to cause changes in the environment and spell wild animals to do their bidding. Hell, their big boss, the largest and in-charge-est of the tribe is Tiki Tong, who's just one big Bongo. I'm sensing a through-line here, folks. Clearly music, and more specifically, "Beat" is a thing in this fictional universe. Maybe only the folks from Nintendo EPD intend to call it that specifically, but that's enough for me. Clearly multiple developers across three consoles felt this was a throughline worth chasing. It's just a shame there wasn't anything even further back during the Rare days- oh my god i forgot about donkey kong 64.

 DONKEY KONG SIXTY-FOUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRR

    Oh shit and these were references to the DKC trilogy! At the end of levels, some of the monkeys would pull out an instrument and play a little riff before running off! This arguably goes all the way back to the original opening cutscene from DKC 1 where DK kicks Cranky Kong off the treetops to beatbox with his stereo! It's been here all along! Music -does- things in this universe, and we have a specific name for it now, but it's always been present!!! Holy fucking shit, guys! And all the bullshit connections I've made thus far is before we start looking at the wider Mario-Universe the DK stuff sits inside; the entire first Mario & Luigi RPG was predicated on Princess Peach's voice being capable of waking up a magic star to make it grant wishes, for fuck's sake. Music = Magic. 

    Whewwwwwwwww.

    Ok, so like. That's over now. If you've scrolled down until the writing looked less insane, here's where the water calms. Thank you and I'm sorry for all that. I will definitely do it again as this project continues. Please don't unsubscribe here's the gameable stuff. 


    Magic on Donkey Kong Island is made with Music, but not just any Music will do. Specific Songs with Specific Intent can produce replicable results, making use of the performers' will, or "Beat" to make change in the real world. Most of these Songs were written down by the Kongs and Kremlings of old, lost along with their respective empires. It is still possible for someone to learn them, should the wind flowing through the trees harmonize with the Beat of an adventurous heart.

    Songs are comprised of an Action and a Target. Depending on the interpretation of this two-word descriptor, the in-fiction output of any single combination can vary by table. This is not a bug, it is a feature. When discovering a new Song, the player should roll on each of the following tables, then discuss with the rest of the Party to determine the effect and potential limitations of the Song, as well as give it a new name. All Songs need a title. It'd be rude to not give it one.

2d6 1-2 3-4 5-6
1 Summon Banish Friendly
2 Grasping Release Sealing
3 Leaping Diving Dashing
4 Change Hold Wild
5 Shrinking Expanding Dimensional
6 Draining Flooding Levitating

2d6 1-2 3-4 5-6
1 Vine Fruit Kong (Self)
2 Boulder Bees Kremling (Other)
3 Flame Parrots Kreature (Animal)
4 Wave Barrel Koncept (Concept)
5 Zap Temple (Building) Kreeper (Ghost)
6 Snow Gears (Machinery) Kontainer (Object)

    This will produce outputs such as "Hold Barrel" or "Shrinking Parrots." Whether or not this is useful is up to the performer. All Songs require a musical Instrument to perform, and one can find Bongos, Flutes, and such littered randomly across DK Isle that still retain the magic of a specific Song inside, waiting to be played. These Songs cannot be learned on their own, though their Instrument can be used to play other tunes the performer already knows. 

    Songs are noisy, and their effects may only last until the end of the tune. Changes that defy things like gravity will naturally end the moment reality comes back into play. Those that effect another's perception of the world may last up to 1d4 rounds after the performer has moved onto another set. It's impossible for a performer to focus on anything but the song they're playing; a wrong note will end the effect prematurely, after all. It's recommended that players come up with a specific tune for each of their known Songs. Not for gameplay purposes, but because it's fun. 

    You don't even have to locate a specific Character Pad to use them.

    Until Next Time,

        Farmer Gadda 

Thursday, September 24, 2026

System Considerations for The Donkey Kong Island Hexcrawl

 

Monkeying in the Design Mines

 You can read this post and find links to my other works over on my static site!
 Farmhands pledging $1 or more over on patreon got to read this a week early!
  

    Howdy, Farmhands!

    The Donkey Kong Hexcrawl comes from a relatively simple desire to role play within the setting and tone of the Donkey Kong Country series. I grew up with these games and want to imagine myself running around in that world. It doesn't really have to be any deeper than that- Gadda wants to pretend to be Monkey instead of Elf this week. But since I intend to do so with Other People who arguably should be as excited for this activity as I am, there's some further considerations to be had. Something I've learned over the years is that just because two people engage with the same media, it doesn't mean they digest that experience identically. Assuming such is the quickest way to destroy a shared imagined world, as the conflicting visions... conflict. Therefore, when attempting to adapt a property into the shape of an elfgame, I need to declare some goals and define some terms. What is Donkey Kong to -me-?

1. Exploration

    Donkey Kong Country 1-3 are masterpiece examples of putting hidden content in a video game. Breakable walls, barrel cannons at the bottom of deep gaps, hidden collectibles just off screen- every level is built with the expectation that players scour every pixel to find them all. These extra challenges and pathways made experimentation rewarding, not only giving those that found them extra loot (usually bananas), but also increasing their save file's completion percentage as proof of their bravery. The sheer joy of discovering one of these secrets makes each one incredibly memorable. The topography of the very first level naturally coaxing Rambi the Rhino directly into a hidden cave is iconic for a reason! 

    This is partly why I've chosen a hexcrawl as the base experience. I want players to see the map, know where the key landmarks are located and then... go exploring in the spaces between. Spending time and energy searching through a specific hex should reveal Something, even if that hex is "only" connective tissue between two major landmarks. I'm a big fan of Landmark, Hidden, Secret (who isn't, really?), and while it's use is not unique to hexcrawls, I find hexcrawls that employ it to feel extra Explore-y? Idk, it's mostly vibes based on games I've read and played. What I'm less interested in is the Logistical considerations of more traditional hexcrawls.  Time and the actions of opposing factions should be the largest barrier to access, instead of Rations or Carrying Capacity. Running low on Bananas should be a concern less because your character will starve, and more because without it, you can't take the shortcut through the thick forest without needing to stop and refuel every other watch. A Hexcrawl that's less of a challenge, more of an organizational structure.

2. Implication

    The Kremling Krew are a band of pirates, with bandanas and cutlasses and sailboats. Why, then, are they also armed with late 20th century Army helmets and Camouflage tank tops?  Why did Funky Kong become a Gun buff for a bit in DK64? What was this "Kremean War" the Brothers Bear mention when you visit the Northern Kremisphere? Something Happened, and it's left it's mark on everyone living in the region, even if they won't speak of it plainly. And what of the Aztec-inspired Kong Ruins spanning the entire island, when the Kong Klan itself is made of less than 20 individuals?  The shattered Kremling structures and sunken Kremlantis based on Greco-Roman architecture, when the stated homeland of the Krew is a single island off DKI's coast? The past of Donkey Island is colorful, but vague, and presenting those puzzle pieces to a table to make sense of sounds like so much fun.

    This is where the project becomes more like Fanfiction. None of the games were written with more overarching lore than was needed to produce the individual title. Much of Donkey Kong's history has had the ip bounced around to different studios frequently, and only in recent years has any corporate plan been put in place to cement the franchise as one defined thing. That hasn't stopped it's fandom from making connections or inferring meaning between games in it's sister/umbrella franchise, Super Mario, which leads to some fascinating concepts. Did you know that in one of the Mario Party games, 5 Bananas fuse to become a Power Star? Or that in Mario Galaxy, we're taught that Power Stars form from baby Lumas, the infant form of all life in the universe? All of existence is a cycle of death and rebirth, star dust forming into new life and continuing the cycle in perpetuity while deific beings have risen above it to form heavens from which they grant the wishes and dreams of the life below them including but not limited to being the sole source of procreation which they deliver via Stork!!!

    Ooooooh, Banana!

    I want to introduce these concepts to the Island and allow the Players to follow where it leads. I'm not interested in producing a complete history and lore bible of my personal interpretation of DKC trivia, but I do want to include these inferences to see what a table will make of them. Will they investigate the Star Spirits who beget sentient life upon the planet? Probably not. Will their conflict with the Tiki-Tak tribe make them question the life-giving properties of Banana Mush? More likely, and with a lore explanation if they're curious! Mostly I want the table to figure out what -their- Donkey Kong Island is like through play.  

3. Collection 

    Donkey Kong 64's reputation precedes it, though it's place as "The Game That Ruined Collectathons" is in dispute in the modern era. Really, it's record breaking number of collectibles is just the endpoint in a series of games with an increasing number of things to grab. Donkey Kong Country required you to find 67 Bonus Levels across it's stages to reach 101%. DKC2 had 75 Kremcoins and 40 DK Coins, both required to complete the game at 102%. DKC3 tops this at 85 Bonus Coins, 41 DK Coins,15 Banana Birds, and a minimum of 65 Bear Coins to complete the game at 103%. These numbers ignore additional currencies that can be acquired and spent repeatedly, such as Bananas, Balloons, and Kong Letters. Collecting quantities of shiny objects has been core to the experience from day 1.

    All that junk to nab works fine in a platforming video game, but I cant replicate the experience 1 to 1 in a ttrpg and expect players to be as excited about a Kong letter the 50th time as they were the first. That said, having a significant amount of loot is one of the joys of old school play, meaning I'm already leveraging my audiences' innate desire before figuring out how, exactly, to make collecting Bananas fun. 

4. Monkey Business 

    Donkey Kong Country is a video game made by British Developers using a Japanese company's IP for a largely American Audience. It's just plum goofy, really. And while early D&D is goofier than most people give it credit for these days, it would be super easy for me to accidentally lean into the darker implications and get lost in traditional elfgame dungeon crawling, forgetting that we're pretending to be cartoon monkeys! I don't want to do that. I don't want the threat of death and dismemberment, I don't want illness or starvation, but I'm using a chassis for games where you go into a hole and die there! I've struggled with this previously with my never-complete Sanic Hack and that experience will help me here. There is a sweet middle ground to be found. I swear it.

    Oh wait, did I get this far into the post without stating directly that I'm writing this with the assumption you're playing an Into the Odd hack or other OSR system? Cause I am. Fool of a farmer, I be. Sorry about that. 

    So, to recap, my goals are:

  1. Exploration: Places to Go, Things to See, Discoveries to be made Frequently and Easily
  2. Implication: Mysteries Raised, Connections Made, Few Answers with Players responsible for the rest
  3. Collection: Loot Generated, Resources Awarded, Stuff for Players to hoard
  4. Monkey Business: Keep it Silly, Keep it Light, Bad decisions shouldn't be punished TOO harshly.

      These will be the four pillars I keep in mind as I craft both the island, and the handful of homebrew rules to use while playing within it. God this post has gotten long.

  

 

    Let's talk about the swing I've already decided I'm making, then. Bananas will be Currency, Spell/Feat spending resource, and Rations. Only some of you will understand the joke if I call it "Banandium Archive". That's ok. Step 1 is to make Bananas slightly more accessible than gold. Dungeons have more of them, but you can find them fairly easy by just traveling about. Loot tables have a 60% chance of producing some bananas. You'll accrue a pretty pile of these, but only because you'll be spending them just as quickly.

CURRENCY

    Bananas as Currency means you can very quickly flip them into other resources and gear. All trade and barter should use Bananas, meaning it's always in demand. Need some Armor? Bananas. New Weapon? Bananas. Various Monkey Themed Services including Barrel-based Aviation? You got it; Bananas. There's an upper limit to having a hoard of Bananas on you, though- 100 Bananas can be traded in for Balloons, which are spent to revive your character when they fall in battle. There is very little utility to not handing in your entire stash the moment you can afford a Balloon. You'll find more the next time you go into a dungeon or search some tree-tops, after all.

    This entire idea assumes a Physical Table with tokens to manipulate. A fully digital game of this would require a ton of bookkeeping that I wouldnt personally find fun. I want people to reach into a bowl and pull out 20 🍌 tokens, then chuck 100 of them back in the bowl to recieve a 🎈 token. 

RATIONS 

    Bananas as Rations means that even if you stay in a safe location, your stock of them will slowly tick down. When you're flush with them, this barely matters, but once a sale is made suddenly youre risking deprivation and travel becomes costly. Some character options, such as playing a Tiki-Tak, will even have a larger daily ration requirement. This helps keep the Hoard small, while also incentivizing players to go out and do the exploration this is supposedly all about. It also means that large purchases, even the ever-helpful Red Balloons, come with an immediate concern; you're particularly vulnerable unless you go out of your way to find more Bananas and fast.

 SPELL/FEAT RESOURCE

    Spells in this project will appear in the form of "Songs." Essentially they are scrolls from which a Kong can learn a new tune, and playing it causes a magical effect. I've gone back and forth on this one, but think I like the following- In order to perform a Song (Or other sort of Feat.), the player must have previously prepared by eating Bananas above their daily ration requirement, up to a maximum I'll set later. Maybe 5? Spending one of these reserves allows the effect to happen as intended. Performing without reserves still works, but at risk of gaining Exhaustion and locking a slot of their inventory. (Of course, the clear condition of Exhaustion is eating an amount of Bananas outside of combat.)

    The choice at the start of the day is then, "Do I use up banana reserves when we might never see combat?", and in the moment, "Do I rely on my regular damage output or buff it to end this fight sooner at the risk of being weak for whatever comes next?" When the players know they have a surplus of bananas and are going into a dungeon where they'll inevitably get more, they'll naturally want to spend to be fully charged- -but then, do they spend the max and do a bunch of super moves or hold off and hope for good banana rng drops early on to buy one more balloon for safety's sake?

KONGCLUSION

    Going back to my 4 pillars, what does making the primary collectible, Bananas, work as Currency, Spell/Feat Resource, and Rations do towards supporting them? 

    This constant flow of doodads going in and out of the players hands should, in theory, produce a similar experience to the Collection pillar. The increased drop rate of Bananas and consistent need for them will promote the Exploration pillar. The act of constantly grabbing and relinquishing Banana tokens, preferably into a large bowl in the center of the table, certainly feels like Monkey Business. And if I wanted to stretch, the Implication of this cycle of Banana eating could lead to some very interesting questions at the table. If I weren't a coward,  I'd make the whole loop work faster by introducing usage die for tools and weapons, increasing the money-sink. That would push the experience a little too far from the light tone I intend to set, so for now, that will remain left out. 

    Until Next Time,

        Farmer Gadda 

Thursday, September 17, 2026

The Donkey Kong Island Hexcrawl - Introduction & Kongo Jungle

 

There's been plenty of good iterations of this place, 
but this version is the one that feels like home to me.

    Howdy, Farmhands   

    Five-ish years ago at the time of writing, I ran a TTRPG Actual Play for my Twitch audience titled "Escape from Kong Country." That AP took 6 or so months of planning and prep to even happen, and even then, that was after months of rolling the idea around in my head privately. What I'm trying to get at is that I've been thinking about roleplay games in the Donkey Kong world for a fairly long time. It wouldn't be until Josh McCrowell of Rise Up Comus began posting his own canon-adapting ttrpg project, "The Middle Earth Hexmap" that I decided to seriously take another whack at it. It helps that the immediate stumbling block I needed to pass was the question, "How do I even organize this thing?" Josh generously gave me permission to make use of his template. It's much easier to have a skeleton upon which to drape ideas than it is to stare at a blank page while those ideas wrestle in a cartoon dust cloud in your mind to decide which gets typed up first. It ALSO also helps that Josh has been forthcoming with his thought process on the project, how he approaches adapting works from beyond the original source material and filling in any gaps. Basically, I'd never have gotten my ass in gear for this without his work preceding me, so please go give his blog a good read. Buy his books maybe.

    Funnily enough, I've been sitting on what I've written for the last six months, so even this post is part of the process of dragging myself, kicking and screaming, towards the thing I desire. I briefly considered making this a daily excercise as Josh has,but I know that failing to keep up due to life or brain chemistry would simply upset me. Instead, I am posting this to introduce the project as a passive background activity, to fill in gaps where my other projects aren't ready for my loose self-assigned goal of "Posting Something Every Week." Might be a Comic page, might be a Livestream, but I have to post Something. Being able to sit down and knock out a hex or two is a good backup for when things go south. I've done it before with my contribution to the Rankin-Bass Christmas Hexcrawl.

    Similar to how that hexcrawl was made, I will be taking efforts to weave in connections between hexes. In the early days of this project, that will look like unfinished entries until I've gotten most of the adjacent locations written up as well. For this project, my primary sources will be Donkey Kong Country (SNES, 1994), Donkey Kong Land (GB, 1995), Donkey Kong 64 (N64, 1999), and Donkey Kong Returns (Wii, 2010). References and adaptions of stuff from other games that I feel fits within the main Donkey Kong Island will be dotted throughout, but the main goal is writing the island itself. I have split the place into chunks, each will have it's own regional encounter table atop individual hexes' encounters, in the cadence of Paper And Pencil's Structured Encounters. The hexes will remain unnumbered for the time being, as I'm still figuring out the exact form the final map will take. They will retain relative location to one another. Dungeons will have their own pages, and unfortunately that means a lot of empty spaces that amount to "add one of those here." It's a process.

     Quoting Josh on how to read the entries: 

HEX #

SITE NAME IN CAPITALS. The site name is mostly to help the GM remember the contents of the hex. The site description is given in Roman font. The type of terrain, which is needed for random sites or wandering encounters, is listed on the map. Particularly interesting sites where quests, rumors, random encounters, and interesting NPCs can be found are given in bold. Hidden features are given in italics.

HIDDEN SITE. Hidden features of the hex are presented in italics. These can only be found during certain times or by exploring the main feature of the hex.

! - QUEST NAME: Details a potential job for a burglar, if the players go sniffing around for work. 

✦ - OFTEN HERE: If the region is inhabited, a quick list of NPC names and descriptions for the GM to easily pull from. The number of NPCs is reflective of the size of the settlement, ranging between four and twelve. 

(d6): A special encounter could be here. Roll a d6. If the face equals the number shown, this event is currently occurring when the fellowship arrives, if it possibly makes sense.

       And for my own purposes, anything highlighted in Banana Yellow will link to it's own bespoke page once it's written, usually Dungeons. This is a Work In Progress, after all.


 REGION 1: KONGO JUNGLE

    Per MarioWiki: "The Kongo Jungle is a vast jungle found on Donkey Kong Island, at the foot of Monkey Mines. First appearing in Donkey Kong Country, Kongo Jungle is the place where DK's Tree House and the Banana Hoard is found; a distinction shared with the similar Jungle world in Donkey Kong Country Returns, which has been suggested to be the same location. It is known for its dense rainforests, including natural ranges of wild gorillas." 

     Kongo Jungle is split into two sections based on elevation, the lower jungle being where the majority of the Kong Clan live. The western half of the lower jungle is seperated from the east by upper jungle's cliffs, which extend to the ocean's edge, with a series of caves and tunnels allowing access to the east. A river coming down from the upper mountains empties into the ocean via the eastern half, and while bridges and rope swings have been installed to travel over, it still remains a danger. The eastern jungle grants access to the BEACH region, while the upper west jungle leads to the MONKEY MINES and CHIMP CAVERNS.

HEX: Jungle Japes Valley- A Hilly valley to the Northeast of Jungle Hijinks.

Jungle Pond: Surrounding a pond where vines grow, and caves are dotted along the cliff face. A cannon on the shore could be a shortcut to Ropey Rampage, if it were to be fixed by a mechanic.

(Players can spend a Watch to Explore the caves if they like. 1 – Encounter, 2-4 – Nothing, 5-6 Treasure)


Batface Cave-in (Dungeon)

A sinkhole reveals a lost temple to an unknown diety. The construction is of dirt and stone, far removed from the Kong temples of the island. Who left this?

- Tight walkways over deep pits

- A bat colony has taken refuge in here and dislikes light

- Giant bat head with a wide, gaping mouth. It’s eyes sparkle like jewels.

Shell Stage: A wide clearing around a raised stone platform. Multiple fallen logs have been arranged to form seating around it. There’s a massive conch shell sitting on the stage, with ominous buzzing noises coming from within.

! -
The rainbow conch used to be used to perform music for the Banana Fairies, but a hive of Zingers took over and made blowing it… difficult. Relocating the hive and allowing the performances to continue will make the Fairies very happy.

Magic Conch Shell (Dungeon)

Objects entering it’s opening shrink to fit inside.

Zingers have created a nest inside and need to be removed

<> Advancement Opportunity: If the players perform for the Fairies after returning the conch, they will learn a Random Song as thanks

HEX: Jungle Japes Cliffside: Overlooks Jungle Japes. (Northwest?)

Snide’s H.Q: .A lopsided shack with a tin roof. A radio dish and tv sattelite have been haphazardly nailed on top, but appear functional. A hand painted sign reads “Snide’s HQ” Inside, a series of pulleys and levers connect to rube goldberg machines that seem to serve no purpose and are made of junk. Blueprints for various questionable constructs litter most spaces.

✦ - OFTEN HERE: SNIDE THE WEASEL (Snarky, Stingy, Sleezy) A reformed Kremling member, though his turn came from spite as opposed to a moral shift. Capable of building fantastical structures, but requires payment up front. Honors his deals to the letter, and frequent successful trades will warm him up to the party.

! - Bon Voyage, Blueprints: Someone broke into the H.Q. in the night, and scampered off with 9 of Snide’s Blueprints. He can replace them easily, but he worries what someone might do if the work was reverse-engineered. He’ll pay 5 Bananas per party member for each Blueprint returned. (Every Kremling Member henceforth has a 1 in 6 chance of having a Blueprint visibly on their person until all 9 are found)

Mountain Hideout (Dungeon)

A cavern repurposed by the Kremlings to store scavenged ammunitions (very unsafe)


HEX: Thunder Cove - A Sparse Jungle at the ocean’s edge with a clear view of the sky. Large knocked over logs form tunnels between locations. (East of Jungle Japes)

Sacred Tree: A tall and mighty trunk devoid of foliage. Multiple braided red ropes are strung around it, marking it as a place of power. Despite being completely hollow, the tree is alive and waiting. Locals place offerings of bananas in the hope of good things happening to the Island.

(d6) 1: Konfu Kong is giving an offering of (d6) Bananas. If any member of the party owns a Crest, he will challenge them to find his hidden training grounds and fight him in combat. Once the training ground is found, regardless of the result of the fight, he will have a 3 in 6 chance of appearing at the Sacred Tree from that point onward.


! - If the Party offers bananas totaling these amounts, events will trigger (These Amounts are based on the video game and will need to be adjusted)

  • 1-399 : A Bronze Crest falls from the Tree,
  • 400-799 : A Silver Crest falls from the Tree,

  • 800-1,199 : A Gold Crest falls from the Tree,

  • 1,200 or more: A Platinum Crest falls from the Tree,


Hidden Waterfall - A log tunnel embedded into the ground leads to an open cavern with a sturdy rope bridge crossing the gap. A large waterfall fills the cavern and the underground river below. Konfu Kong can be found training his heart and mind in the waters. If approached, he will request a spar. Any who take him down in honorable combat will be allowed to use the path. (Connects to-[Future Hex])

✦ - OFTEN HERE: KONFU KONG (Strict, Shrill, Snobbish) Martial Artist, previously of the Boss Kongs. Dislikes weaklings but respects those who respect nature. Will train warriors who have received the Sacred Tree’s Badges in combat techniques.

HEX: Jungle Hijinxs - A valley at the base of DK Mountain.

DK’s House: A wooden cabin with a thatch roof atop a tall tree. The inside is littered with whatever cool shit DK and Diddy found entertaining enough, along with probably too many banana peels.

✦ - OFTEN HERE: DONKEY KONG "DK" (Goofy, Childish, Kind) De Facto leader of the Kong Klan. His primary motivation is Bananas, though the safety of his island and it’s inhabitants come in a close second. Friendly to anyone who shows him the same. Not terribly bright.

Flat plain surrounded by trees

dense jungle nearby

rising hill underneath which is a banana hoard (one of many)

bashing into cliff reveals hidden valley?

Landmark:
Hidden:

Secret:
Encounters: Gnawty, Klump, Kritter, Necky

HEX: Ropey Rampage (Northeast of Jungle Hijinks, inaccessible from Lower Jungle Hexes)

A series of cliffs atop a raging river. Ropes have been placed all over for swinging to and from each side. Individiual areas jut out as islands above the perilous drop. (this level is interesting for being in the rain and dark, otherwise it’s just a more vertical jungle hijinx.) the river idea isn’t bad. Leap of faiths into barrels leading up to even higher treetops. Lots of butterflies once the rain stops

Landmark:
Hidden:

Secret:
Encounters: Army, Kritter, Zinger

HEX: Reptile Rumble (East of Jungle Hijinks, grants passage to Lower East Jungle Hexes)

A cave system connecting the jungle to the southern beach. Features high ceilings but deep snake pits and secret side caverns. Multi barrel puzzles shooting players all over the place? Tight squeezes between areas. A big pit with a floating platform and a tire to balance on. Multiple kritters jumping down an incline at the player. Should this be a Flux Space????


Cranky’s Hut

Landmark:
Hidden:

Secret:
Encounters: Kritter, Slippa, Zinger


HEX: Coral Capers (South/Southeast of Reptile Rumble)

An ocean inlet filled with piranhas and octopi. The emerald green coral hides secrets. Home of Enguarde. Wandering patrolling Sharks? Ocotopi chase you in circles. Coral patches reveal hidden items, air bubbles? Clams taking potshots from below? Why would the players come here? What’s down there worth getting?

Landmark:
Hidden:

Secret:
Encounters: Bitesize, Croctopus, Chomps, Clambo

 

Thursday, September 3, 2026

Spoonsingers - A Mon-astic Order for Into the Oddish

Everybody WAS Kung-fu fighting! (wow)
"Alola Alakazam Fighting Type" by LoganCure on Deviantart 


You can read this post and find links to my other works over on my static site!
 Farmhands pledging $1 or more over on patreon got to read this a week early!
  

Spoonsinger

    Of the Martial Orders founded since the fall of Humanity, there are few as powerful and dedicated as the Spoonsingers. Masters of both Fighting and Psychic techniques, Spoonsingers forgo the common belief that training one's mind or body are exclusive goals. By harmonizing their physique with their honed wills, they have learned techniques of both types that blend and blur the physical and spiritual domains.

    To be a Spoonsinger, a Pokemon must be a Psychic or Fighting Type. Upon commitment to the order, the opposite Typing will be gained as a Second Typing. Gaining an additional typing in this way is irreversible. 

  • Role: While Spoonsinger Order maintains temples and training grounds to their teachings, most trained members choose to wander the region in search of new techniques and young Pokemon who show traits of Psychic or Fighting prowess. They do this by seeking out sources of strife and attempting to calm them, either through words or actions. They act as diplomat and one-mon army in turn, upholding their belief in balance and insuring the continued teaching of future generations.
  • Weapon Proficiencies: Spoon
  • Recommended Skills: Dancing, Etiquette, Juggling, Singing, Tumbling, Weaponsmithing.
  • Equipment: A Spoonsinger is always identifiable by the order's weapon of choice; the Spoon. Recognizable as a tool once employed by Humans, Spoonsingers will smith variations of it's shape and size to better suit the individual's fighting style. Such an item is always polished, enhancing the Spoonsingers appearance in battle.
  • Distinctive Appearance: Not only are they easily identifiable by their weapon of choice, Spoonsingers don a set of loose robes, colored to match their respective Temple. Each Temple has a distinctive palette, closely related to the nearest Human settlement, all of which were once known by colorful names. These robes frequently include an outer and inner set, the heavier hooded coats giving protection from the elements, and the lighter inner robes allowing for freedom of movement in combat.
  • Special Benefits: Spoonsingers benefit from the harsh training afforded any acolyte, as well as the combined resources of the Temples dotted across Kanto.
  1. As a result of the harmony between mind and muscle, Spoonsingers move with a supernatural grace, almost dancing across the battlefield. This trance-like state is known as Spoonsong, and is accompanied by a hum of psychic power interrupted by the clang of their Spoons as they strike in time. This display is both beautiful and haunting, and triggers a Morale save for the group once the first opponent falls to half health.

  2.  Spoonsingers may find shelter and supplies at any Temple, regardless of minor ideological differences. It is not unheard of to find a Spoonsinger from the border of Johto taking supper at a Temple on the coast of Lavender town. Parties who have allied with a Spoonsinger are welcome, though only temporarily, unless they wish to become members of the order themselves.

  3.  Accomplished Spoonsingers may choose to retire from wandering and become Temple Masters, taking the position over from their Elders or choosing to found a new Temple of their own. While any Spoonsinger can share the basic tenants and foundational trainings, most believe the art of Spoonsong can only be learned properly from a Temple Master. Their skills are kept sharp by the frequent challengers from both within and without the order; Trained Pokemon who have completed the Gym Battles of the region choose to test their skills against greater warriors, and the Temple Masters willingly oblige.
  • Special Limitations: Spoonsingers are expected to follow a set of restrictions in their daily lives, failure to do so could mean ejection from the Order. 
  1. Not only must they attempt to advance the outreach of their Temples at all times, they must also lend aid to any Pokemon in need, unless that Pokemon is proven to be an enemy to the Spoonsinger way of life. 

  2. They may not use TMs/HMs. To develop a technique without the use of your own training is counter to the core of the Spoonsinger Order; while non-members are not begrudged their choices, committed practitioners think of the practice as a disgraceful grasp for unearned power.

  3.  Spoonsingers do not wear protective gear or finery other than their traditional robes, though held items that enhance their Psychic abilities are generally overlooked. This is both cultural expectation and  a matter of efficiency, as holding a shield or wearing armor interferes with their acrobatic fighting techniques, and clothing of any value goes against the tenent of limited wealth.

  4. Temples offer a small stipend for purchases wandering Spoonsingers must make during their journey, though it is largely understood that this money is primarily to maintain their weapon of choice. Additional money and treasures found during their adventures is assumed property of their Temple of origin, and is to be gifted to it's accounts upon the Spoonsinger's return. This means that most Spoonsingers survive off the generosity of the Pokemon settlements they travel to, or by temporarily joining Adventuring parties to clear dangerous dungeons and fund the next leg of their journey.

After becoming a Spoonsinger, Players gain an additional list of Moves they can learn at the end of a battle. The player may roll before choosing which list they would like to learn from. 

1d20 Move
1-3 Vacuum Wave - The user whirls its fists to create a wave of pure vacuum that it sends flying at targets. Moves first in combat regardless of Dexterity save results. Deals 1d4 Fighting-type damage to the target. Usage: Unlimited
4-6 Psyblade - The user rends the target with an ethereal blade. Deals 1d8 Psychic-damage to the target. Usage: 1x per encounter
7-8 Aura Sphere - The user lets loose a pulse of aura power from within its body. Deals 1d8 Fighting-type damage to the target. Usage: 2x per encounter
9-11 Zen Headbutt - The user focuses all its willpower into a fierce headbutt. Deals 1d8 Psychic-type damage to the target. If rolling multiple dice and any two match, the target flinches and misses their next turn. Usage: 1x per encounter
13-15 Psycho Cut - The user launches blades formed by psychic power. Deals 1d8 Psychic-damage to the target. The attack is a Critical Hit if it rolls a 7 or 8. Usage: 2x per encounter
16-17 Psyshield Bash - Cloaking itself in psychic energy, the user slams into the target. This also boosts the user’s Defense stat.  Deals 1d10 Psychic-type Damage. On a Critical Hit, the user's ARMOR is increased by 1 (max 5) for the duration of the battle. Usage: 1x per day
18-19 Focus Blast - The user heightens its mental focus and unleashes its power in the form of a spiritual bullet. Deals 1d10 Fighting-Type Damage. On a Critical Hit, the target's ARMOR is decreased by 1 (max 5) for the duration of the battle. Usage: 1x per Rest
20 Secret Sword - The user pushes psychic energy into their weapon, extending it as an ethereal blade. This odd power is solid to touch. Deals 1d10 Fighting-type damage, bypassing ARMOR. Usage: 1x per day

 Sources: x, x