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Howdy, Farmhands!
Tik-tok is dead, and I do not mourn it's passing. The shambling corpse that's come back online since is naught but a new limb of fascism as it spreads and strangles all in it's path. I wouldn't trust it with a houseplant. However, that isn't to say I still don't regret what it brought me, specifically, many funny edited moments of Actual Play Twitch Streams I'd never watch otherwise. My personal favorite would be Legends of Avantris, which makes use of it's streaming medium fairly well by incorporating Bit Donations as a trigger for a table of HILARIOUS scenarios and prompts for the players at the table to then seamlessly incorporate into the adventure at hand.
It's mostly an excuse to make clippable moments for the Tiktok/Youtube Shorts crowd and I can't say it's not an effective marketing tool.
Below are d100 prompts for hilariously FARM themed shenanigans, be they sudden foodstuffs, weapons, or NPCs to drop into your playspace. Tell your players not to think about it too hard.
Until Next Time,
Farmer Gadda
| 1d10 |
Subsequent Table |
| 1 |
"You are overcome with a sudden bout of-" |
| 2 |
You are possessed with the Irresistible Urge to-" |
| 3 |
"You firmly believe you are-" |
| 4 |
"You are given a-" (Heals 1d4 HP) |
| 5 |
"You are offered a-" (Heals 1d6 HP) |
| 6 |
"You are served a-" (Heals 1d8 HP) |
| 7 |
"You are gifted-" (One Use) |
| 8 |
"You are rewarded-" (1d4 Dmg) |
| 9 |
"You are armed with-" (1d6 Dmg) |
| 10 |
"You are interrupted by-" |
"You are overcome with a sudden bout of-"
| 1d10 |
Result |
| 1 |
Hay Fever. You sneeze Uncontrollably
|
| 2 |
Eepy Deepy Disease. You are just so, so tired.
|
| 3 |
Chicken Pecks. You are incredibly itchy.
|
| 4 |
Horse Throat. You can only communicate by Neighing.
|
| 5 |
Goat Herd-ache. Maybe slamming your head against things will make you feel better?
|
| 6 |
Sheepish-ness. You suddenly have an intense paranoia of Wolves being nearby
|
| 7 |
Sweating like a Pig. It's just so hot, and you're so very sweaty.
|
| 8 |
Frog Legs. You can only move by Jumping.
|
| 9 |
Crop Circles. The bags under your eyes are out of this world!
|
| 10 |
Pussyfoot. The floor just feels uncomfortable, so you tip-toe everywhere.
|
"You are possessed with the Irresistible Urge to-"
| 1d10 |
Result |
| 1 |
Boogie, night and day
|
| 2 |
Raise a Barn
|
| 3 |
Open a Vegetable Stand
|
| 4 |
Fly South for the Winter
|
| 5 |
Plant yourself and grow into a Tree
|
| 6 |
Become a Lumberjack
|
| 7 |
Hogtie a Bull
|
| 8 |
Get into Artisanal Cheese-making
|
| 9 |
Organize a Toolshed
|
| 10 |
Buy a Used Truck
|
"You firmly believe you are-"
| 1d10 |
Result |
| 1 |
A Sheepdog. All creatures MUST be corralled into an enclosure.
|
| 2 |
A Thanksgiving Turkey, and everyone around you looks awfully hungry
|
| 3 |
An Ol' Timey Prospector who's just struck gold
|
| 4 |
A Little Old Lady, who's swallowed a fly. You don't know why, but surely a series of increasingly larger objects would help.
|
| 5 |
A humble Country Lawyer trying to do the best you can against this brilliant prosecutor from the big city. Your client (The party) is definitely guilty.
|
| 6 |
A massive Kaiju, transmogrified into the body of a chicken. You have unending primal rage, but can only do Chicken Things.
|
| 7 |
Running for Mayor of this here fine country town.
|
| 8 |
A Dog playing Poker. You've just pulled the winning hand, but can't let anyone else know.
|
| 9 |
A Horse Girl, attempting to understand the wild Stallion that cannot be tamed
|
| 10 |
A Contestant in the County Fair's Pie Competition, and you'll eat your hat of Annie-May beats you again this year.
|
"You are given a-" (Heals 1d4 HP)
| 1d10 |
Result |
| 1 |
Tall, Cold Glass of Lemonade
|
| 2 |
Tall, Cold Glass of Ice tea
|
| 3 |
Tall, Cold Glass of Kool-Aid
|
| 4 |
Tall, Cold Glass of Hose Water
|
| 5 |
Tall, Cold Glass of Sausage Gravy
|
| 6 |
Michael's Hard Lemonade
|
| 7 |
Stick of Butter
|
| 8 |
Side of Corn Fritters
|
| 9 |
Side of Coleslaw
|
| 10 |
Side of Fried Okra
|
"You are offered a-" (Heals 1d6 HP)
| 1d10 |
Result |
| 1 |
Bowl of Jello Salad
|
| 2 |
Jar of Homemade Pickles
|
| 3 |
Jar of Pickled Beets
|
| 4 |
Bowl of Collard Greens
|
| 5 |
Bowl of Chicken and Dumplings
|
| 6 |
Bowl of Baked Beans
|
| 7 |
Bowl of Potato Salad
|
| 8 |
Side of Fried Green Tomatoes
|
| 9 |
Bowl of Chicken and Sausage Gumbo
|
| 10 |
Bowl of Mac n Cheese
|
"You are served a-" (Heals 1d8 HP)
| 1d10 |
Result |
| 1 |
Plate of Fried Potato Skins
|
| 2 |
A Whole Baked Potato
|
| 3 |
Plate of Fried Catfish
|
| 4 |
Plate of Biscuits and Gravy
|
| 5 |
Pulled Pork Sandwich
|
| 6 |
Plate of Chicken n' Waffles
|
| 7 |
One Whole Chicken Pot Pie
|
| 8 |
An Entire Corn Casserole
|
| 9 |
Plate of Fried Chicken
|
| 10 |
Plate of Fried Gator
|
"You are gifted-" (One Use)
| 1d10 |
Result |
| 1 |
A large metal barrel labeled "Guaranteed to Contain Nothing but the Pure, Sweet Fat of the Hog"
|
| 2 |
A Bag of Magic Beans
|
| 3 |
A very Distracting Cowbell
|
| 4 |
A Tin of Chewin' Tabaccy
|
| 5 |
A Patriotic Firework and 1 Lit Match
|
| 6 |
A Whoopee Cushion, inflated and ready for action
|
| 7 |
A human-sized, potted Venus Flytrap. It only Sort of Likes you
|
| 8 |
A 100 lb Burlap Sack of Wheat Flour
|
| 9 |
A Can of Beans. You have no Can Opener.
|
| 10 |
A Comically large Wheel of Cheese, barreling towards you at top speed.
|
"You are rewarded-" (1d4 Dmg)
| 1d10 |
Result |
| 1 |
A Rake. You learn this by stepping on it.
|
| 2 |
A Ballpoint Hammer.
|
| 3 |
A pair of Shears
|
| 4 |
A pair of Trowels.
|
| 5 |
A Watering Can, half full.
|
| 6 |
An empty Ceramic Plant Pot
|
| 7 |
A length of Water Hose.
|
| 8 |
A large Bucket.
|
| 9 |
A carton of 1 dozen eggs.
|
| 10 |
A bundle on a stick.
|
"You are armed with-" (1d6 Dmg)
| 1d10 |
Result |
| 1 |
A Shovel. No, you can't bounce off it.
|
| 2 |
A Wood Axe. If you do, it will not answer.
|
| 3 |
A Pitchfork. You're a torch away from starting a Peasant Mob.
|
| 4 |
A Farming Hoe. The hand tool not... not the other thing.
|
| 5 |
A Hand Saw. It warbles when you shake it.
|
| 6 |
Hedge Trimmers. Everything is looking pretty Hedge-shaped.
|
| 7 |
A Hand Scythe. You begin to have concerns about the Capitalist system.
|
| 8 |
A Wooden Barrel. There are no Monkeys inside, sorry.
|
| 9 |
A Swarming Beehive
|
| 10 |
A sack of Russet Potatoes
|
"You are interrupted by-"
| 1d10 |
Result |
| 1 |
A Burrowing pack of Moles from Albuquerque
|
| 2 |
3 Wolves (at night)
|
| 3 |
30-50 Feral Hogs
|
| 4 |
The Cows (Coming Home)
|
| 5 |
A Goat, unnaturally hungry for Fabric.
|
| 6 |
A Chicken, Crossing the Road
|
| 7 |
Your Absent Father, carrying two Gallons of Milk
|
| 8 |
The Hatfield Family, in a shootout with the McCoys
|
| 9 |
A flock of Turkeys. They loudly gobble over whatever you say.
|
| 10 |
A Covered Wagon, headed for Oregon
|
